Qintan (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} floraldance) wrote,@ 2009-01-25 18:50:00 |
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Life and drinking
Maybe I should take life as what it is and not think too much or expect too much of it. I used to be really idealistic, especially in terms of relationships-wise. But I've grown to accept that it's really quite difficult to find things as you expect them to be, or to have much permanence. In the end everything is just a matter of how hard you try, or sometimes just the result of random factors and unforeseen circumstances that you can't control.
[In response to Skyler's post: Qintan, I wonder that too. I think a desire for some carefree time, some ill-mannered frivolity, is a huge part of the motivation. But I think on a deeper level it has a lot to do with, as I believe, the "fact" that most, if not all, people desire sometimes to be someone else, anyone else. Whether that's motivated by self-loathing or just pure boredom or _____ I don't pretend to know. I certainly understand the feeling that sometimes being the person you are is too much or too painful. I don't know if other people feel that way but I suspect that at least some people do.]
Perhaps drinking is just a way to lose yourself, a result of wanting to be someone else - the someone we wish to be, but know we cannot be. That doesn't necessarily mean I don't like who I am, most of the time I guess it's just because I'm not contented with my life, because I wish for something more in my life. When I drink I guess I'm just throwing myself into the unknown, allowing myself to be lost in Life's randomness, to see what Fate brings. It's too tiring to try to decide what's the best course of action all the time.
My two friends from Princeton visited Penn this weekend to celebrate Chinese New Year, and stayed with me. I got sexiled (think: "exiled") from my own room! And everywhere there're couples. Why aren't there any Singles night? This is totally random I know.
Damn I miss dancing.
Maybe I should take life as what it is and not think too much or expect too much of it. I used to be really idealistic, especially in terms of relationships-wise. But I've grown to accept that it's really quite difficult to find things as you expect them to be, or to have much permanence. In the end everything is just a matter of how hard you try, or sometimes just the result of random factors and unforeseen circumstances that you can't control.
[In response to Skyler's post: Qintan, I wonder that too. I think a desire for some carefree time, some ill-mannered frivolity, is a huge part of the motivation. But I think on a deeper level it has a lot to do with, as I believe, the "fact" that most, if not all, people desire sometimes to be someone else, anyone else. Whether that's motivated by self-loathing or just pure boredom or _____ I don't pretend to know. I certainly understand the feeling that sometimes being the person you are is too much or too painful. I don't know if other people feel that way but I suspect that at least some people do.]
Perhaps drinking is just a way to lose yourself, a result of wanting to be someone else - the someone we wish to be, but know we cannot be. That doesn't necessarily mean I don't like who I am, most of the time I guess it's just because I'm not contented with my life, because I wish for something more in my life. When I drink I guess I'm just throwing myself into the unknown, allowing myself to be lost in Life's randomness, to see what Fate brings. It's too tiring to try to decide what's the best course of action all the time.
My two friends from Princeton visited Penn this weekend to celebrate Chinese New Year, and stayed with me. I got sexiled (think: "exiled") from my own room! And everywhere there're couples. Why aren't there any Singles night? This is totally random I know.
Damn I miss dancing.
